Saturday, October 19, 2013

For Jack

A good friend of ours died yesterday.

First, I felt like I was on psychedelics- I guess the cords between us being broken on this plane sends you reeling.  This happened with my mother and my father, too.

You want to cord them again to get your bearings but you can't- not here, at this time, on the same level.

Then, no one else home, I decided to go swimming.  I was feeling, as I was in the water, as if I might have a heart attack.  My heart was cramping, the beat irregular.  But I kept a steady, slower pace than I usually do and just kept on.  Our friend was a swimmer, too, in his youth.  I tried to release the psychotic feeling into the water.

I heard the words,  " But I am FREE, I am free", in my mind.

I knew this was true, for he was really put through the wringer for a year.  And at the end, his body and mind were peaceful, they tell me.

I have also had moments of clarity- the sky, the trees, the birds, all seemed so sweet and beautiful.

Through all this, sadness too, coming in waves, of crying, of wonder at the strength of his wife, Debbie, this past year, of grief at his pain.

Today I feel fear, fear of my own death, fear of just not feeling safe, I guess.

I identified the fear and burned it out  as best I could- with a roar of angry fire.

I know I must re-ground into the earth in a blessing way.

Accept the fact that I am here and he is not. But he can still make me laugh, when I remember some of our times together.

I know he would want us to go on and live- have a GREAT time, in fact, in his memory.  He was like that. 

I  know the angels took him.  I saw something like a children's slide at a playground a couple of days before.  It was made of light and they said, we will beam him up when he's ready.

Thank you, thank you , thank you, for his time on earth and for his passing now.

Love is all there is- Namaste